she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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