its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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