you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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