Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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