mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
