Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
