I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
