who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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