weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
