you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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