I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
