i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
