the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
17 year olds will be the death of me.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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