You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
