You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
