Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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