The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Randomize
