im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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