After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
