you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
