Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
