we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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