Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
