doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
