So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
