I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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