also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize
