It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
