never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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