I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
