I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
