Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
