What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
