I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
