We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Please, let me fuck your mom
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Randomize
