I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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