The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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