so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
