omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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