i think my tv is drunk
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
