$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
