i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
The air taste purple.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
