this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
