I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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