Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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