I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
