He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
