Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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