I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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