If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
FUCK WHALES
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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