It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
