Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
